The Last Thing On Your Mind

twenty. emotional. lesbian.

I finally did it.

I finally put my foot down and told my girlfriend that her ex needs to sort herself out.

She was constantly phoning and texting, asking for her back, telling her she still loves her, while i’m meant to just sit and take it. I put up with it for 6 months, and it was starting to put some strain on me. 

I told my girl that she has to tell her to back off, or we’re over. Harsh, but I can’t be dealing with shit like that. I didn’t mean they have to stop talking, stop being friends, but that’s how the message was taken. The ex deleted both of us from every form of media possible.

I suppose that’s a good thing, though.

I’m pretending nothing is wrong. I’m pretending that it doesn’t bother me.

Truth is, is that I don’t feel like I can trust you now. I know you love me, but, you still cheated on me. You can’t talk your way out of it, it’s been done and I feel like shit. I can understand that you weren’t sure if I was going to stick around, but we’d been together nearly a month at the time… and I saw you 2 days after and you acted like nothing had happened. I wish you’d been honest with me.

This hurts, but it hurts more knowing that I let you just get away with it.

She slept with her ex whilst with me. It was at the beginning of the relationship, but still? Come on. I was vulnerable, I was weak, and I was taken advantage of.

But still, I love her. I’m not mad with her, i’m upset that she didn’t ever tell me.

My girlfriend slept with her ex at the beginning of our relationship.

How do i handle this?

Why does it still hurt to see my ex flitting in and out of relationships and peoples beds? I shouldn’t care, i’ve got my own girlfriend, and i’m so so happy where i am right now, why do i feel that pang of hatred whenever i see her on facebook? We’re good friends now, it’s just…. I dunno. She broke me, absolutely broke me. Ask anyone who saw me between June - September 2010, I was a damn mess.

She’s nothing but an attention seeking, money grabbing, selfish naive little girl. I hope she grows up to realise it.

i love being so hungry that my bones stick out.

but i also love eating.

I’ve just spent a week with the most amazing girl i have ever met.

My girlfriend is loving, caring, kind, funny, sexy, gorgeous, generous, she loves my family, buys me flowers, cuddles me to sleep, she lights up the room when she walks in, and she’s great in bed (which, to be honest, always helps).

I can honestly see a future with her. I can see us living together, cooking for each other, going out and meeting new people, having pets, and growing old with her.

This is happiness. This is what I want to be.

My girlfriends Ex wants to see her. Should this worry me?

The fact that she’s still in love with her worries me, but I don’t think I have anything to really panic about. She has a girlfriend now, and I’m pretty sure she’s happy in her relationship. But why does she want to come see my girl? Why bother us? Just leave us be, we’re happy here and you’re happy there. Leave it at that, yeah?

She bothers us on a regular(ish) basis, asking my girlfriend why she doesn’t want her back, why she left her and what I have that she doesn’t. She even rings me and asks this sort of shit. I mean, come on. Who is she?!

I told her that if she wants to see her, I won’t stop anyone. I trust my girlfriend entirely, and it’s not my place to stop her from seeing anyone.

I’m in bed now, ready to go to sleep.

Today had been better than most days recently. I got some good feedback at work, I managed to impress my line manager over peak period (Christmas) with my managerial skills and sales figures. To say i’ve only been there a matter of months and I was in charge of a few people that have been there years is pretty good though.

I’m also in a chirpy mood because I get to see my girlfriend tomorrow. She’s coming over for a week (I love that her job is flexible enough to do that) and we’re going to see some friends tomorrow night. She makes everything better. 

x